drawsblood | { inbox for noctium }

You sound noncommittal.

[ She frowns, slightly. ]

If neither your or Geralt found me, I would have done more.

[ He snorts. ]

Is that any surprise after what I told you of myself? I can never be sure I will be fully in control of my mind, and I don't make promises I can't keep.

[ Exhaling a sigh, he examines her closely through the device. ]

I don't doubt it. No different than what I would do, should these chains on me fail.

Then.

[ She thinks about it for a moment.

The idea of being a "retainer", a buffer of some sort shouldn't fall on her and if her friends knew, they would be upset with her. ]

I'll help you in any way I can to stop that from happening. It's only fair.

[ It's unexpected to say the least, but since he still has no idea what a demon is, he has no idea of one's capabilities. ]

I've never... had anyone who could stop me before.

[ Well, no solitary person. Before it was apparently numerous soldiers leaping on him until he could be chained up. ]

You don't think I would end up hurting you?

I have. My kind... we have each other and we look out for one another. When we travel in groups, we always have retainers to intervene should someone lose control.

[ That is... a good question. She isn't sure of his nature, either, or what kind of magic she may be dealing with. ]

If I'm hurt, I heal faster. I could have even regrown my eye if I chose to do it.

[ She's leaving out the part that she didn't regrow it to keep herself stable, however. ]

Besides, I've had worse. I think I can manage and if not, there is always magic and potions.

[ His brow furrows as he weighs her words. Ordinarily he wouldn't trust anyone to be able to stop him. That's why he wants so badly to find a cure. He doesn't want this on him anymore because until it's removed, he could always be a danger. But they share this rage in common, even if it comes from different sources. If anyone could understand him, it's her. ]

All right. And I will look after you, should you need it.

[ He shouldn't leave it all to Geralt. The man should get a break from bleeding. ]

Do you know any magic, Joric?

[ She asks since she doesn't know how strong he is. It may not work if he tries to intervene. And if she hurts him, she could never forgive herself. ]

Only what I've learned here: flying, controlling the winds, moving objects, running fast.

[ She thinks about this for a moment.

Pain and unconsciousness usually are the two things that can do her in -- or so she thinks. She can't really recall.

She gives an indifferent shrug, speaking as if she is speaking about the weather, not something genuinely so horrible. ]

I'd say a hit to the back of my head works but I'm fairly certain Geralt tried that.

[ Either that, or she fell. ]

I suppose don't be afraid to take a knife to my abdomen. I'll live.

[ It's ghastly talk, but had he not said similar to Fenris once? He said if the only way to stop him was to kill him, then Fenris should do it. Sure, he'd much prefer to live, but if it was the other way, then so be it. ]

I'm not sure how easily that will come to me. I would have to see you as an enemy in my eyes to do such a thing to you.

[ His eye twitches a moment as he thinks of actually doing such a thing. Battle is one thing, but cutting into her? The thought unsettles him greatly. ]

Is the goal to cause you pain or make you unconscious in order to snap out of it?

[ Maybe there's another way that isn't so visceral. ]

[ Despite the small animosity she feels for her younger half-sister, she is glad that she doesn't have to worry about her falling down the same path.

For now. ]

Both, really. I cannot remember when it happens or what anyone does to stop me.

[ She presses a finger to her lips thinking. ]

My good friend -- she is also like me. But her talents lie in manipulating blood. She was my "retainer". I regret not asking her how she manages it. It is extremely painful but it works.

[ Gwenhwyar drags a hand to press her bangs out of the way, to emphasize with the massive scar where her right eye once was. ]

It's the pain, at times, that keeps me grounded.

[ He exhales a tired breath. If anyone were to overhear this conversation, they'd probably think the pair was insane. But they wouldn't know what it's like to come back to yourself, covered in blood and unable to remember a thing. ]

Then I suppose if that's what is needed, that's what I'll have to do.

[ His voice is resigned. ]

It is what I would want you to do to me, to ensure others are safe from me.

[ Just another conversation she would have with one of her own. She gives a small, curt nod in agreement. ]

Is there something that pushes you to lose control?

[ He shakes his head. ]

It's ordinary things. An annoying sound, dropping something. Anything and everything makes the spell try to take me over. Thankfully it cannot do so anymore, but I still feel the start of it. Sometimes I get angry over nothing important, but then it fades.

[ He rubs at his eyes a moment. ]

Of course, there may come a day when this leash they have on me snaps, and the rage pushes through.

So, not by physical exertion.

[ She's taking notes in her mind, storing this information for later use. ]

Have you tried something to sedate you when you feel that manifesting?

Not to sedate me, but before coming here I used to take a potion when I felt it coming on. It could stop it before it started, but it was starting to lose its effectiveness. I would take it and it seemed like the rage would overtake me anyway before it subsided. There were some close calls.

Do you recall the properties of this potion? I know quite a bit about making them, I could try.

Yes.

[ He rattles off several ingredients ~~that sound like alchemy in Skyrim~~. ]

I'm not sure if all of that would be native to this world. It's worth looking into, I suppose.

I still would like to try.

[ Besides, it's her passion. And it may be odd that Gwenhwyfar isn't writing any of this down. She has an excellent memory. ]

Well, valerian root still is helpful to calm one's nerves and help you sleep. It may not be much in the mean time but it could help.

Try away. I'll help you search for them, if you wish it.

[ Mostly because he wouldn't want her to go to all the trouble while he sat around waiting for it. ]

Probably not a bad idea to have some of that. Though I've never been one to have "nerves."

[ Nerves are for the weak. ]

I... would not be opposed to it. [ Huh, she feels the need to consult Elidibus on this, later. ]

"never been one to have nerves"? Are you sure about that, you're not a geilt.

[ Is this a man thing?! ]

[ It is most definitely a man thing. ]

What's that?

[ Almost every man she knows is emotionally constipated. ]

A geilt? It is what the Éireann call those who go mad from terror. Either from battle or obtaining a secret knowledge that would drive a normal man mad.

[ She is just going to strongly ignore Myrddin qualifies as a geilt. ]

Then I'm definitely not that. The men of Fjelldalr are brave.

Oh, they're brave, too.

[ Hey, now, that's insulting her father figure! ]

They're too mad to know fear after all of that. But you are most definitely -- rest assured -- not a geilt. Don't be.

It's fine to feel nerves once in a while, even I do.

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